I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
