I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize