I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize