Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
