those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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