At least make sure they are 18
Why
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
