I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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