just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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