and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
