yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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