Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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