oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
