do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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