That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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