At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
