why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
She needs sedatives and a leash
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
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