you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
