Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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