she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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