The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
