Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
