just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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