I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
