How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize