We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
either way he was missing a nipple.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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