i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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