I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
