You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
