dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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