Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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