I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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