You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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