i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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