this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
