I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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