Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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