would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
