i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
