I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
