I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
