Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
