my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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