we're blogging at a bar
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
