I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
