girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
