honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
