and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
