When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
