my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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