dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
