I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
