think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
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