my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize