I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize