There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
