Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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