Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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