driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
