Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
