Plan B is the new Plan A
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
no, he came in my armpit
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
