you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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