I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
