Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm just crazy horny about you
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
