All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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