I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
